It is true that a persons relationship with the God and the Goddess is not measured by how often they pray, but how strong their belief is.
However, sometimes you feel obliged to sit in front of your altar and recite the same prayer morning and night.
From October last year until July this year I prayed every morning and every night. I thanked Mother Gaia for the life she had given me; a loving family, a belly full of food and all the amenities I required to live in this busy world.
One day, however, I didn’t kneel before my altar. And the day after. And the day after…
I found myself staring at my altar, wanting to kneel before it, wanting to thank Gaia for the life that I had. But I couldn’t find the words nor could I find the time. I felt like I was betraying her somehow, letting her down.
Yet still the words didn’t come. Despite my heart craving to sit in front of Gaia, my body still wasn’t doing it.
I was beginning to doubt my faith; had I made a mistake swearing an oath to Gaia? Was I truly Wiccan if I did not celebrate the Sabbats?
Then, not too long ago, I realised a correlation between events that happened in my personal life and my failure to pray. I realised at that point, as a defence mechanism, I had stopped praying. What good it did for me, I don’t quite know. As I stepped back, however, the cause was staring me right in the face.
The conflicts I had had with myself and my faith, the anger I had felt, was all caused by one catalystic event. I had had a depressed episode back in early July caused by stress from my previous job. My instinct was to push everything I loved away and that, sadly, included my beloved Earth Mother.
When I asked a question on the Youtube Pagans group on Facebook about prayer blockage I realised I wasn’t alone in my disconnection. Many who have been loyal to their Gods have been unable to sit down and pray, some people had gone for months without prayer and felt the same stress that I did.
That’s when I realised that, despite my inability to pray, I still have a strong connection with Gaia. I still care about her, I still believe in her. The people In the Facebook group still believe. They had not abandoned all hope, despite the struggle. Their love for their Gods was obvious. They still cared.
When people stop caring, that is when all hope is lost.
Someday I will kneel before my altar again, to recite my daily prayer. But until then I am quite happy to water my plants, stare at the trees and the flowers, listen to the birds sing and the wind blow and worship Gaia by admiring her unquestionable beauty.